“Today I will eat like a normal person. I will not have a slip because today is going to be a good day.”
Many people suffering with an eating disorder wake up each morning saying those exact words to themselves or something similar. When I finally admitted to having an eating disorder, I think I said those words to myself every morning for two years straight before I decided to seek help. Every morning I promised myself I would have a good day, but it never happened. By promising ourselves that we will not have a slip, we are actually setting ourselves up for that to happen. One of the most important things for someone in recovery to remember and accept is that we cannot recover perfectly. Instead of waking up each day promising yourself that you will not have a slip, try telling yourself that “Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it, I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward in my recovery.” Relapses are a very normal part of recovery and they are to be expected. They can last for a day, a week, a month or longer, but a relapse does not mean that you have failed. Usually when someone has a slip or is experiencing a relapse, they tend to believe that they have failed and that they are hopeless. Some will punish themselves for having those slips which can cause the relapse to continue. Instead of focusing on the bad days, try reminding yourself of all the good days that you have had and all the progress you have made.
Relapses can come on quickly and many different things can trigger them. Stress, family conflicts, financial and work problems are only a few to mention. Being in therapy and dealing with the underlying issues usually does bring on a relapse and at times the eating disorder can go out of control. The more you deal with and come to terms with the issues causing the problem, the less you will turn to the eating disorder behaviors as a way to cope. You will also learn new and healthier ways of coping so that you will be prepared to deal with future problems when they arise.
Below is a list of suggestions that might help you prevent a relapse or deal with one after it happens:
- If you are experiencing some of the Relapse Warning Signs, be sure to discuss this with your therapist so that he/she can help you.
- Do not punish yourself after a slip or relapse. Remind yourself that no one can recover perfectly and relapses are a normal part of recovery.
- During difficult times it is important to reach out and talk to someone about how you are feeling and what is happening. Many people tend to isolate themselves during those rough periods, which only makes things worse. When we keep our feelings and emotions locked up inside ourselves, that is when we really rely on our eating disorders as a way to cope with or block out those feelings and emotions.
- If you had a slip or relapse, sit down and figure out why it happened. By doing that you can see why it happened and make a plan for how to prevent it in the future when faced with a similar situation.
- Make a list of situations you feel might cause you to have a slip or relapse. Look over each situation and make a plan ahead of time for how you will handle them without resorting to the eating disorder behaviors as a way to cope.
- Do not fool yourself into believing that you are cured if you are eating normally but have not dealt with the underlying issues causing the eating disorder. Unless those issues are dealt with, relapses will eventually happen.
- Dealing with the underlying issues can be very difficult and most people do relapse when faced with painful memories, feelings and emotions. Many people try to isolate during the rough periods, but it is during times like that when you need to reach out for extra help and support.
- It is important that you have extra support during those difficult times to help you get through them. If there is a support group in your town, you might want to think about joining it. Being around others that know and understand how you feel can be very helpful. If in therapy, try seeing or calling your therapist more often, especially on the days when you feel out of control. If your family or friends are supportive, do not be afraid to let them know that you are having a difficult time so that they can help provide you with the extra love and support that you need.
- Be careful that you are not switching from one compulsion to another. It is very common for people to turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, self-injury, etc., as a way to cope when they are not engaging in the eating disorder behaviors.
- Take time out each day to take very special care of yourself. Most people with eating disorders are too busy trying to please and take care of others that they neglect their own personal needs. Do something that you enjoy and find relaxing. It might be going on a nature walk, reading a good book or taking a nice hot bath. It does not matter what it is, just as long as it is something that you like and it is done for yourself.
- This can be hard at times, but try to think positively. If you believe you will never recover, then you won’t, but if you believe that you will recover, they you will.
- Do not dwell on past slips and relapses because they are in the past and we cannot change the past. Do not worry about how you will handle tomorrow because it is not here yet and we cannot predict the future. Recovery is a one day at a time process. All any of us have is today and we need to live for this day.
- Buy a daily devotion book to help you begin the day. “Beyond The Looking Glass” is a book for recovering anorexics and bulimics and provides devotions for each day of the year. “Beyond Feast or Famine” is a book for compulsive eaters and it also provides devotions for every day of the year. These books can be a great way to help you start each day in a positive way.
Making a plan ahead of time and learning new and healthier ways to cope is a good way to prevent slips or relapses from occurring. It is not always possible for us to put that plan into action and we do have slips. It is okay when that happens and you have not failed. Instead of punishing yourself for those slips, you can learn from them and they can make you stronger. Recovery is a long road and at times you may feel like giving up, but it is important that you do not stop fighting. None of us are hopeless and we all have the power within ourselves to recover.
Written by: Colleen Thompson