Eating disorders are very complicated illnesses and it is important to seek out the help of a qualified professional when trying to recover. Having the love and support of your family is important, but it is necessary to have a professional to help and guide you. This problem is too big to deal with on your own and having a good therapist can make a difference in your fight. Finding the right therapist can take a while, you may go through several, but never give up. You will find one that is right for you. Listed below are some things you should look for when choosing a therapist. If you are already in therapy, but are unsure you are with the right one, this list can also be of use to you.
- Find a therapist who you feel comfortable with. If you do not feel comfortable, you probably will not be willing to open up about personal issues.
- Find a therapist who does not act or come across as too “professional”. One that is informal and casual will make you feel more comfortable.
- Find a therapist who treats you as an equal and does not treat you as though you are sick and unstable.
- Find one who is willing to listen to your ideas and does not feel that their ideas are the only way for you to recover.
- Find a therapist who is willing to help you and also educate themselves about your problems, but does not pretend that they know exactly how you feel.
- Find a therapist who would always welcome having sessions with family members, friends, and other important people in your life.
- Find one who will spend more time dealing with the emotional issues causing the eating disorder and less time discussing what you did or did not eat, etc. That should be the job of your doctor and nutritionist.
- Find a therapist who will not get upset is you disagree with what they have said, but instead encourages you to express yourself when you do not agree.
- Find a therapist who can admit to being wrong whey they have made a mistake and can apologize for it.
- Find a therapist who believes what you tell them, never minimizes your experiences and always respects your feelings.
- Find a therapist who will not try to force you to talk about things that you might not be ready for.
- Find a therapist who will also confront you if they believe that you are intentionally avoiding issues by focusing on your eating disorder behaviors. (i.e. if you go into a session and decide to talk about food, weight, calories, exercise, etc.) It is important that your therapist can remind you that the behaviors are only symptoms of underlying issues.
- Find a therapist that does not spend time talking about their problems. Those sessions are for you, not your therapist.
- Find a therapist who does not want neither a friendship nor a sexual relationship with you outside of your counseling sessions.
- Find a therapist who can be available to you during an emergency or crisis.
- Find a therapist who is more than willing to discuss problems that might arise between the two of you within the therapist/client relationship.
- Find a therapist who will help teach you new and healthier ways to cope.
- Find a therapist who will never make you feel like a failure or cause you to believe they are disappointed in you if you have a slip or a relapse.
- Most importantly, find a therapist who will encourage and support you during your recovery.
For Clients Making the decision to reach out for help and enter counseling can be very difficult. That is why it is important that you seek out a therapist that is going to be right for you. Sometimes we enter counseling believing that the therapists know everything and we must do as they say because they are the so-called “professionals”. We tend to believe that they are better than us and know more then we do. The truth is, we are the ones that are the experts when it comes to our own lives, our eating disorders and our recovery. Unfortunately, we do come across therapists that tend to treat us like we are unstable and they refuse to listen to what we have to say. Just because we have an eating disorder, does not mean that we do not know what we are talking about. We are very intelligent people and we do have the right to disagree with therapists that try to make us to do things we do not agree with and we have the right to express what we want from therapy. The therapist is there for you and they are to work with you, they are not to control your life and tell you how to live it. Many people with eating disorders are not very assertive and are people pleasers. We tend to stay with therapists that might be doing more damage than good, believing that it is our fault we are not making progress. Even though deep down we know that we need another approach from the therapist or that we need to seek out another one, we tend to be afraid to do that because of our low self-esteem. We feel that since they are the “professionals”, they must know best. In my experience I have come across therapists that were not helpful to me and actually helped me to stay focused on my behaviors, rather than helping me to deal with the underlying issues. For a long time I stayed with them believing I was doing something wrong and when I did have slips, they made me feel worse. After a few years I knew that what I needed was someone to help me look deep inside myself to find out why I was doing this. I did not need someone totally focusing on my behaviors, putting me down, etc. It took a while, but I came to see that just because someone has “initials” after their name, does not mean that they deserve them. If you are with a therapist that you feel is not helping you, do not be afraid to leave and seek out another one. You need to do what is right for you and what is best for your recovery. There are some wonderful therapists out there that can help and will, as long as you let them. Not all therapists have the same approach and since all of us are different and do not all recover in the same way, we need to find the therapist whose approach works for and helps us. It is also easy to get discouraged if we do not like our first counselor and we may not want to try again. It is important that you do because you will find one that is right for you. I had to go through several therapists and at times wanted to give up, but I did not and I was lucky enough to come across two very wonderful people that have helped me tremendously. There are some good therapists out there and you will find one, just never give up looking. Follow this link for more information on finding an eating disorder therapist. For Therapists When it comes to treating people with eating disorders, you are in a very important position. Since most people with eating disorders do not trust people, you will probably be the first person they will come to trust. It is important that you never break that trust. It will take them a long time to learn to trust you and if you break that trust, they may never trust you or anyone ever again. People with eating disorders are very sensitive and we also tend to pick up on feelings, etc. very quickly. If you feel that we are unstable or view us as being sick, we will pick up on that and you will cause us to feel worse about ourselves. It is important to remember that the person uses the eating disorder as a way to cope, but that does not mean they are unstable. When it comes to the areas of food, weight, calories, our bodies, we do have a distorted ideas, but when it comes to other areas of our lives, we know them only too well. We are usually very intelligent, so it is important that we are not treated like children. We are also very capable of making everyday decisions. Most people that I have spoken to say the one biggest complaint they have had about their therapists, is that the therapist focuses too much on the behaviors. We think about food, weight and calories all the time, we do not need to do that in therapy. In therapy, we want someone to help us to look deep inside ourselves to find out why we are doing this to ourselves, we need someone to help us come to terms with those issues and we need someone that will teach us new ways to cope. We need someone who will listen to us, support us and help us to see that we can recover. If you are treating someone that has an eating disorder, make sure that you never make them feel like they have failed. If we have a slip, we need to know that it is okay, we will get through it, and you will be there to help us through it. People with eating disorders are usually very sensitive, so it is important that you are careful with what you say to them. Make sure that you explain yourself clearly to them so that they do not end up feeling like they have done something wrong. It is also important that you are honest with your clients and mean what you say. If you say things that you do not mean or end up changing your mind later on, that can do a lot of damage and cause the person to be hurt. If that happens, they will blame themselves, even though it was your mistake, and they will try to punish themselves, believing that they must deserve it. If you are deciding to try a new approach or technique, be sure to discuss this with your client first. It is important that we feel that we have a choice when it comes to our recovery and that we have a say in it. I think what helped me the most was having a therapist that listened to me, supported me and never made me feel like I was failing, even when I was having a hard time. We need therapists that are positive towards us, not negative. It is also important for therapists, especially people working in a clinic atmosphere, to remember that we are all different and do not all recover the same way. Many clinics have treatment plans that do not work for everyone. I feel it is important to first speak with the client and then discuss methods of treatment that will be right for them. After being in treatment for approximately three years and not making much progress, the one thing I will never forget was the first session I had with the therapist I stayed with. At the end of our first session he said, ” I want to see you one more time and then you can make the decision about whether or not you want me to help you.” In three years, no one I had been treated by had ever allowed me to make a decision concerning my recovery. It really is important that you allow your clients to make decisions, do not try to make them recover the way you feel they should, and always listen to what they have to say. You might actually find that you could learn a lot from us, if you take the time to listen. This section was not meant to offend anyone who is working in the mental health field and I hope that I have not said anything that would cause anyone to be upset. There are some really good therapists out there, who do wonderful work. Like I said before, I have been fortunate enough to be able to work with them. However, from my experience in early recovery and from the hundreds of other people I have spoken with, there are therapists out there who do need to change.
Written by: Colleen Thompson
Resources:
-The Deadly Diet: Recovering from Anorexia & Bulimia by Terence J. Sandbek, Ph.D – New Harbinger Publications Onc, CA 1993
-The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis – Harper and Row Publishers, NY 1988